It’s midsummer, and for the first time, our family is in the midst of the deep inhale before the plunge, at about 3 in the countdown to launch our sweet Fairy Princess into the stratosphere of college life. She has chosen a Christian school twelve hours from home, so we have been bracing ourselves for months of separation, continually—but silently—asking ourselves if, after all she’s been through over the last few years, she’s ready to fly solo.
Then, two days ago, we finally completed the college cost planning worksheet to see exactly how much more cash she needed to ask God to provide. We thought this was mostly a formality, since we had a pretty good idea of what her remaining balance would be after financial aid—or not. The great disparity between the deficit we expected and the one we actually came up with was heart-rending. It was more than twice what she anticipated.
We don’t have that kind of money. Neither does she, even after working for a year after graduation. Also, our credit, while we’re working on it, is pretty stinky right now, so I don’t even know if we could get a private loan to help her.
What do we do? She’s confused. As a newly recommitted follower of Christ, she really felt that she was on the path God had chosen for her. Was she wrong? What now?
Our first impulse (well, my first impulse) is to launch a rescue by applying for more loans. But this is God’s business. She is His child. If He wants her to do this right now, He is fully capable of making a way. So, her dad and I have agreed to be still and pray for a few days and see what her loving Father does. Either way, we pray that He will protect (and even increase) her faith and hold her heart through whatever comes.
Also, we are asking God to strengthen our faith and fill us with His peace. Like a toddler who falls on her little diapered bottom and then looks at Mommy to see if she’s okay or if she should wail, our Fairy Princess will be looking into our eyes for reassurance. We want her to find peace and trust there, not panic and anxiety. After all, if we don’t trust God with her heart and her future, why should she?
Well, this story is far from over. God is doing amazing things in our daughter’s life. She has spent the last two years breaking free from a severe eating disorder, depression, anxiety, self-injury, and more. She is still recovering, still growing, still learning to go to her Heavenly Father with her pain and fear. He is healing her heart. Only He knows when she needs to leave our nest and try her wings on her own. Whenever that time comes, whether next month or next year, we will be cheering for all we’re worth, and we have no doubt she will fly.
To be continued…
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